Without You Here

without you here
moving forward each day
pretending not to notice
making routine
grasping for tiny details
breathing in
holding
breathing out
shuffling through pictures
rewinding memories
fingering the fibers of a piece of cloth
rolling the rings around my finger
sitting on the balcony alone
eating ice cream out of the carton
long bubble baths
rereading old emails
talking out loud to a picture
visualizing a reunion
ordering at Starbucks
smoking a cigarette
drinking coffee from that cup
checking & rechecking the email
rushing for a 3:30 window
retelling our story
aware of the distance
hugging the pillows
feeling your presence somehow
sleeping again in your arms
waking up alone