Recently, I have visited a club downtown Fort Worth that holds poetry nights on Tuesdays. Every other Tuesday is Poetry Slams...a bit more dramatic and definitely down with more emotional feelings behind it. This past Tuesday was my first time out to stand on a stage, behind a microphone and with a spot light on me as I voiced my heartfelt thoughts on life. Scared but wanting to purge myself at the same time. It took some coaxing and a second drink to rewrite a bit and make my debut.
The experience was overwhelming! I felt freed up and supported by complete strangers listening to my intimate ramblings about my view of life. Somehow, they got and miracle upon miracle liked what I had to say. A drink was sent my way, a gentlemen remarked how brave I was, that it took courage and a younger woman hugged me while gushing that I really understood she feelings too. I couldn't sit down for about an hour for the electricity in my body...am I hooked...or at least til they hate my stuff! Here is my piece...first time out.
The experience was overwhelming! I felt freed up and supported by complete strangers listening to my intimate ramblings about my view of life. Somehow, they got and miracle upon miracle liked what I had to say. A drink was sent my way, a gentlemen remarked how brave I was, that it took courage and a younger woman hugged me while gushing that I really understood she feelings too. I couldn't sit down for about an hour for the electricity in my body...am I hooked...or at least til they hate my stuff! Here is my piece...first time out.
It's Too Soon
When did this happen to me
my transformation
lost...frozen in fear....terrified of tomorrow
Each day...an isolated event
a solitary exercise at living
I don't recognize my face,
I don't recognize my body,
I don't recognize this new existence!
Losing track of the hour...this moment in time
surely this journey is a freak accident...an oversight,
a mistake from an over zealous god.
Not yet, it's too soon..
My body races to decade, moving ever closer to the end of the life cycle that
everything and everyone must obey! Will obey...
But inside...oh inside of me!
I'm still sixteen, nineteen...full of the future
desires and ambition
I hear the music of my youth and I dance inside
I dance outside...but careful that no one sees me!
Why can't I still be me!
What or who barrs the door...who holds me back----I Do!
Let me be who I am-
stop judging me with your young eyes and mocking my body with your smooth unwrinkled skin.
Soon, too soon...you'll turn around and you'll be no longer welcomed into the circle of festivities!
To be looked upon as over
done---finished---
How will you deal?
To see your reflection change
distorted
non longer turning heads as you sashay by...
oh, how we love to turn heads!
dark circles from long worried nights
crows feet at the corners
permanent frown lines
Does our body dictate our worth!
I won't go down with a whimper nor will I curse the changes
It's all too soon...
Let me celeb rate my battle scarred body
Let me remember the good and bad decisions followed by a short learning curve
Remind myself---I have conquered overwhelming emotions that only mean I Still Feel Something!
Sadness so close to death - I saw myself in a shroud!
Joy....rocking sex and some good fortune.
It's all too soon--
But I have survived to graduate....climbed..in...out...thru...over adversity
But now
Now you want my beauty
you wish to diminish me to a pathetic and emotionally unstable woman who must have love.
So here I am--
wrestling with something that can't be fought--won--succumbed..
TIME-
Time is upon us all
You ignore it in your youth-
believing we own a vast storehouse only to awaken one faithful morning to an upside down timeline...
The glass is truly less than half full!
Today is all we ever had
it's a lie---do you hear me--
another betrayal to believe you can wait it out
do it...do it now
step out...step out now
love her, him now!
Live every moment now!
No regrets...move forward!
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