Woke up feeling ...a tug on my heart. Holidays tend to do that to us even when we have an abundance of love around us.
Just what is it?
Is it lost opportunities? Past passions that fizzled before our eyes? Maybe childhood dreams, that refused to die quietly!
This melancholy sadness locks me inside four walls, it limits my vision for the future and plays only morose musical dirges. Every misfortune, miss step faux pas, I've ever made floods back. Happy voices are mere distance noise in the background while the rattling of chains gets louder and louder. Christmas ghosts collaborate with past, present and future doubts and fear to serenade me into submission. Shut down they chant...retreat they moan...run for your blankets and pillows for comfort. The spirits of past disappointments come once more to steal from me what I should treasure the most...my resolve...my strength...my optimism...my creativity...my soul!
Getting it down on paper or this blog gives me some wiggle room to work myself out of this funk. A new voice begins to speak. This one is calm, loving and patient as she advises me to finish my tea, dress and venture out. "Don't forget your camera love!" she reminds. I'm positive that there are many others waking up the same way, with the same demons. I pray they hear that little voice above the others, for we are our best friend and protector. I have come to love me again...my Christmas gift to me!
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