As of late...the men in my life are a disappointment...the statement was written specifically for the men I have been dating since Cookie has returned to his homeland!
Moving on...I'm not sure what that means as I have this huge meter stick I hold up against anyone else coming in my circle. No one can stand above Duncan, in my heart.
I understand the reality of duty as I have almost single -handed raised six children for thirty years. I comprehend responsibility for I have chose to stay and work the hard ground so that someday I could claim my reward or so I think!
Pathetic as it may seem, I believe that good will rule out evil in the end. I believe that love is worth waiting and fighting for.
After writing my feelings so openly and raw, I did pause and think that I should delete the passage as I was afraid that Cookie would reject me forever. Like a reckless act or maybe more like a cry for help, I let it stand.
So now, a new year begins and I must make a decision!
Hold 'em, Bluff or Play with what you have is familiar to card players and not unlike what is facing me.
Hold what I have: Keep what memories I have and store them away like the high school awards you keep in a shoe box along with old love letters and other forms of adoration. This is a difficult choice for me, putting what I feel for Duncan in an airless box for what I feel is still alive and breathing. The vast miles and culture that separate us...doesn't deter my love for him. I realize that our meeting was chance and inconvenient but that to me , IS LIFE. I do not discard someone because it is difficult or challenging , assuming that if it is to be, it will flow freely. Love and relationship require effort, commitment and dreaming. I wanted with my whole being for Duncan to ask me to wait for him or join him. Between a heartbeat, this I would do! I love him, I will always love him and the lost I feel is immense.
Bluff: This is what you do to manipulate people into doing what you want them to do. I want free choice to be my life partner. Too much of my life as be controlled and guilt ridden, I need open and honesty to rule...even if it hurts me most of all.
Play the cards given: I can not manipulate Duncan to see a future with me if he cannot visualize it. I realize I sound like a Walt Disney writer for another fairy tale movie but I am that girl...I danced in the moonlight barefooted , twirled in my pink nightgown believing the cow pasture was a stage and my dancing partners were fairies like myself. I believe in the impossible! I believe in the power of true love...I believe because I want to believe.
All this makes me a laughing stock, someone who doesn't deal directly with reality and logic. And there is where I lay still...between my childlike belief system and the world's hard and harsh lessons. Of course, I must survive and live I will but without Cookie is it better?
Conclusions are only speculations of the moment, this time in our lives.
I stumbled into the most satisfying and fulfilling relationship in my lifetime. My heart was never more motivated or open than to Duncan as I felt an unusual level of trust and comfort, so unusual that I believe he is my soul mate. Can we have more than one? This has been my first in all the years that I have existed. I don't want to waste, walk away or put this love in a safe drawer. But what do I do?
If he invites me, I would travel across the world to spend time with him. If he asks me, I would leave my homeland for his. If he asked me to wait quietly for him, this I would do.
But if he asks me understand that he cannot dream my dream and wishes to remain friends for life...this I would do for I desperately wish not to trash this treasure that has blessed me so much.
my love flows across the miles to you, Cookie
Shara
Moving on...I'm not sure what that means as I have this huge meter stick I hold up against anyone else coming in my circle. No one can stand above Duncan, in my heart.
I understand the reality of duty as I have almost single -handed raised six children for thirty years. I comprehend responsibility for I have chose to stay and work the hard ground so that someday I could claim my reward or so I think!
Pathetic as it may seem, I believe that good will rule out evil in the end. I believe that love is worth waiting and fighting for.
After writing my feelings so openly and raw, I did pause and think that I should delete the passage as I was afraid that Cookie would reject me forever. Like a reckless act or maybe more like a cry for help, I let it stand.
So now, a new year begins and I must make a decision!
Hold 'em, Bluff or Play with what you have is familiar to card players and not unlike what is facing me.
Hold what I have: Keep what memories I have and store them away like the high school awards you keep in a shoe box along with old love letters and other forms of adoration. This is a difficult choice for me, putting what I feel for Duncan in an airless box for what I feel is still alive and breathing. The vast miles and culture that separate us...doesn't deter my love for him. I realize that our meeting was chance and inconvenient but that to me , IS LIFE. I do not discard someone because it is difficult or challenging , assuming that if it is to be, it will flow freely. Love and relationship require effort, commitment and dreaming. I wanted with my whole being for Duncan to ask me to wait for him or join him. Between a heartbeat, this I would do! I love him, I will always love him and the lost I feel is immense.
Bluff: This is what you do to manipulate people into doing what you want them to do. I want free choice to be my life partner. Too much of my life as be controlled and guilt ridden, I need open and honesty to rule...even if it hurts me most of all.
Play the cards given: I can not manipulate Duncan to see a future with me if he cannot visualize it. I realize I sound like a Walt Disney writer for another fairy tale movie but I am that girl...I danced in the moonlight barefooted , twirled in my pink nightgown believing the cow pasture was a stage and my dancing partners were fairies like myself. I believe in the impossible! I believe in the power of true love...I believe because I want to believe.
All this makes me a laughing stock, someone who doesn't deal directly with reality and logic. And there is where I lay still...between my childlike belief system and the world's hard and harsh lessons. Of course, I must survive and live I will but without Cookie is it better?
Conclusions are only speculations of the moment, this time in our lives.
I stumbled into the most satisfying and fulfilling relationship in my lifetime. My heart was never more motivated or open than to Duncan as I felt an unusual level of trust and comfort, so unusual that I believe he is my soul mate. Can we have more than one? This has been my first in all the years that I have existed. I don't want to waste, walk away or put this love in a safe drawer. But what do I do?
If he invites me, I would travel across the world to spend time with him. If he asks me, I would leave my homeland for his. If he asked me to wait quietly for him, this I would do.
But if he asks me understand that he cannot dream my dream and wishes to remain friends for life...this I would do for I desperately wish not to trash this treasure that has blessed me so much.
my love flows across the miles to you, Cookie
Shara
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