It's a full moon or..I'm just crazy!

After midnight...but MUCH later...and I'm restless. Not a good sign!
In the last 48 hours have had encounters with two...x's...an x husband and x husband to be and a message from the one person I want to be with is in another country more than a days drive..lol.

X number 1, father of four of my children comes to visit children but always seems to sneak in old memories into the conversations. I'm included in the dinners now...nice thought you might say but he seems to pay far more attention to me than the kids and brings up things we did as a family. It creates this weird time warp where I start feeling comfortable, sort of fall into step with the mood...after all I did spend most of my life with him...almost twenty years! Then I remember why I left...what he did...how he has treated me and the children...I feel repulsed and disgusted. Why do I bend over and let them ___me again and again? That smug smile and sanctimonious look.

x to be 2, another eight years chasing an impossible goal. He offers to help me get some art supplies to my classroom then it's the ...I'm so sad and lonely...why don't you come home?
I should move back because he's sorry he ignored me, abused me and the kids , said things and did things he can't take back. I should believe he'll be different...because he's hurting.
I'm now trying to make him see the positive things in his life...a house, a vacation home, money in the bank, and three cars. But ...I don't have you.

Why do they want you after they drive you away with neglect and emotional abuse?

I go to a moron of a movie and drive around downtown Fort Worth with the radio blasting. I walk into a crowded nightclub...bouncing with the Cuban Latin beat and crammed with you guessed Latinos..it was refreshing and a bit scary at the same time. I stayed just long enough to get groped a couple of times and watch some beautiful dance moves. I do love to dance to the latin beat. Maybe I need to join a dance class, it might be safer.

I drive home, smoking cigarettes...it's what I do when I want to be a real bad ass. I park the car at the apartment and sit in the back of the tracker staring at the full moon. Maybe I'm not that crazy...maybe it's just the moon.

even the Queen has her breaking point...