Deja...Viewed!

Today I got a phone call from a long long time friend, Dee. We've been friends for more than twenty five years. Our longevity is based on the mutual understanding that time and distance doesn't change the trust I have in her.
I met her in a most vulnerable and unstable condition. It was the year of my first divorce from Micheal the father of Jennifer and Kristain. Possibly the hardest thing I ever did because we were married in my parish church...I was Catholic and divorce meant I could never be apart of church sacraments again. At that time, it meant alot to me but eventually I wanted to be happy more.
It was the year that my brother, David died in a car wreck under suspicion of killing himself. He was only eleven months younger than I and we had been raised as a set. Losing him so suddenly shook my spiritual foundation to the basement. The lost was blown out of proportion when I met our biological father at his funeral. Imagine a town of possibly 1500 getting wind of the soap opera and most seem to be there to witness this tabloid like event.
So there I am, divorced with two small children, one in diapers and the other in training pants standing across a red eyed man, his wife and small daughter of eight or so. All within my peripheral vision I can see my brothers body lying in state in the next room. Surreal could not explain this pitiful site or explain the panic I felt inside but I stayed glued to that spot. Did my best to be pleasant and walked and talked like a robot that I operated from some safe far off place inside of me.
That wasn't the first time that I experienced leaving my spirit in a safe place and letting the stronger Shara rule the day. There were other traumas that required her rescue and many more later in life. That year was a particularly difficult one as on my birthday someone broke into my apartment and raped me! Even now, I can talk about it with such detachment that sometimes I wonder if I dreamed it. I've never wrote about it before though, maybe it has finally left me. I only mention this as to explain that this is the time that I met Dianne.

She asked nothing but to be my friend and has shared my personal struggles with finding my place in life while mothering the six children from two husbands. She was there to cry out to. She was there to listen to my anger and frustration. Now we both are older, some wiser and sentimental about the people who have hung in there. Today she sent an email with an attachment. She's doing some remodeling and found some old letters from me. Why did she send it? Maybe I needed a visit from Me! You see I believe that real Shara is finally returning to claim her place, to finish what was started so many years ago before the windmills challenged her. It's nice to hear from an old friend especially if it's you.

the Queen knows the secret