Happy Unbirthday to Me!

"We turn not older with years but newer every day." Emily Dickenson

Since I turned fifty, I have looked forward to my birthday with the same enthusiasm as getting a tooth filled. Cute little youthisms , "You're not getting older, you're getting wiser" are not treasured remarks. I'm not going to penn the sarcastic retorts from my youth flushed children...only I will secretly speak that time will payback to them what they toss out to me as "just teasing Mom."

Youth and it's attributes...are wasted on the young! Imagine if it was topsy turvey, that you start out weak (which we do by the way) but instead of being given tremendous energy and physical growth...we get those things gradually as we also attain knowledge, experience and wisdom just about our forties and fifties! Wow, we could really move some mountains...eh! Of, Course...I would still be able to birth babies at that time too.....ummmmm...always a catch, even when I daydream.

So my unbirthday started after midnight...1:38pm to be accurate when I received a phone call/voice mail from my friend Jem, wishing me a Happy Birthday! I text a message of gratitude and fell happily back to sleep. Somewhere around 3:30pm, I was awakened by the sounds of what I thought was a storm but in fact was my son, Jeff playing his new XBOX Halo game. I walked into the living room/kitchen to ask him to lower the gun fire sound effects. He quickly apologizes and asks me if I saw IT...in the kitchen? It? So of course I had to look! Jeff had baked me a strawberry birthday cake with white icing....two little cupcakes sit atop, centered like a tiny cupola. Wow! Such an unexpected sweet, sensitive and out of character thoughtful thing to do ( Mr. Tough Guy persona , Jeffrey, projects to everyone especially his siblings). He and I know the truth....as of course, I voice to him that I know his true heart and love him dearly for it!

A big hug and kiss for Jeff, a drink of juice for me and back to my tower/bedroom to try to sleep some more. Instead I text message my friend, Jem about the late night confectionery, as I'm pumped up and want to tell someone what a wonderful child I have. I know he normally gets off around 3:00pm and may still be wired. A few messages go back and forth then I mercifully let him get to snoozing and I follow suit.

Now it's Morning! I've received two unbirthday congratulatory calls from my oldest daughter, Jennifer and oldest son, Kristain along with the catch up to what's happening in my life Mom stuff. Oh, an a call from ex husband #2 to ask if son #4 is awake! Now, why couldn't he just call Bryan's cell phone? He's driving in to my place to help Bryan get his car back to Texarkana, Texas. Strange! I was thinking how I use to be all tingling with just the anticipation of seeing him when the world was younger and so much more naive/stupid! Oops! that sounds bitter!

Baby Sara/sixteen but soon to be seventeen on February 3 walks out of her cave and sweetly says, "Happy Birthday Mommie...I love you"...."Thank you, sweetie, I love you too!" I call back as I retreat into the tower once again. I expect to hear from the rest of my brood, my brothers, my mother (who already sent me a gift in the mail) and a very special man in my life from South Africa. Just hearing his voice will be a huge gift today. I truly miss him everyday and wrestle with our fate of being separated by thousands of miles and possible years to come!

I am most fortunate, I recognize this most of the time. Life has slowed down just enough for me to see clearly through the windows as I travel forward. I understand that I have accomplished much and the most important accomplishment is the love I have in my life. Happy Unbirthday, Shara...life is good!